Blame your ‘out-of-control’ husbands for cheating not ‘side-chicks’

The other day I got into a thing on Twitter with the lifestyle blogger, Naa Oyoo Quartey. Nothing serious. Naa tweeted a meme quoting Proverbs 5:20: “Why should you, my son, be infatuated with a loose woman, embrace the bosom of an outsider, and go astray?” and then added “there are loose women out there determined to destroy your marriage.”

I responded by saying: “It is not true. The text is problematic because it blames single women for the choices married men make.”

She replied: “The bible is not problematic. It also never said it’s single women. Just immoral women.”

We went back and forth. I insisted that only married men were to blame for cheating. A few more women joined the conversation. It was pointed out that the verse was directed at men and not women. But try as we did, we could not convince Naa that only married…

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4 Responses to Blame your ‘out-of-control’ husbands for cheating not ‘side-chicks’

  1. Anonymous says:

    I did not want to say anything but I would like to comment about your struggle with the bible. You need another version of the bible to get that verse right. It says the strange woman and methinks that the blame game is not the matter here. If I advice you to stay away from loose women does that mean the woman will be the cause of your giving in to temptation??? This argument about the bible’s inconsistency is what makes me think you are not that logical after all in this conclusion

  2. kwame pocho says:

    “The verse, though directed at men, still labels the woman as ‘loose’, indirectly blaming her for the man’s choices.It also suggests that a woman draws her value as a human being from the man she sleeps with.”

    I think the above statement will need revisiting. If you read Proverbs 5 you will find that as a preamble: ie before the verse in contention the writer is warning his son to avoid the charm and lurie of an adulterous woman. The writer therefore is speaking to a specific scenario where his son should listen to his wisdom so as not to be lured by the tempting words of a “loose woman”. ‘I fail to see how this suggests “blaming the woman for the man’s choices. I think the writer makes every effort to let it be known that the man who falls for this is to blame for their foolishness and lack.of discipline. The writer then seems to be saying “the snake bites and is very poisonous : don’t go near it: don’t be enchanted by it. It’s not the snake that interests him: it’s the actions of the man who has to avoid the snake at all costs

    What do you think? And yes the Bible and the writings contained in it have a cultural context that provide the framework for comprehending the narratives in them. So the patriarchial context you mention is a necessary lens for reviewing this. When you look through this lens you see immediately the earnest appeal being made that the son should not be an out-of-control husband: to avoid such foolishness and temptations at all costs.

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